The votes are in, the pies are eaten, and the arms have been wrestled! That can mean only one thing: it's time to announce the winners of The J-List and Something Awful Mega Kawaii Prize Bonanza Showdown Series Two! You may remember this as "that contest" or "that thing" or even "Shoah On Ice." Whatever you call it I announced it on March 21st and since then we have received thousands of dozens of fantastic entries. After narrowing the field down to some of my favorites I submitted these to the members of the SA Forums for final voting.

The finalists included songs, images, and even a Flash movie. All of these entries were based on two of the three entry options, so in case you forgot what they were I will list those two again.

ENTRY OPTION #1: Readers of Something Awful should be familiar with the various OS-tans; anime girls representing computer operating systems. Recently a mean bad ALoD recipient decided to create a Something Awful-tan and drew a comic about her getting punched in the stomach and vomiting. That just won't stand! As your entry for the art category create a Something Awful tan, either for the entire site of Something Awful or for one of the sections like the ROM Pit or Photoshop Phriday. Bonus points will be awarded if she is pictured abusing the man in the ALoD comic. This can be animated if you choose.

ENTRY OPTION #2: Write a poem, sing a song, draw a picture, or animate a cartoon about Robocop working as a new on-the-scene reporter for CNN and having a deep and hostile rivalry with Anderson Cooper.

A big shout out to my nigga Peter at J-List who provided the top three prize packages for this delightful contest. On with the winners!

11. "SA-tan Relaxing" by Jainai
This buxom rendition of SA-tan received 21 votes. I personally thought the quality of art on SA-tan herself is excellent, but the image is marred by the creepy naked guy she seems to be presiding over. I particularly liked the grenade pattern on her jacket.

Click the image for the full sized version.

Right click and save the song.
10/9. "How Robocop Got His Groove Back" by Yeti On a Budget
There was a 27 vote tie for 10th and 9th place. "How Robocop Got His Groove Back" or "I Met the Hottest Guy at Work" (they renamed it at the last minute) is a touching song about love at the office blooming between Robocop and CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. The song itself is eclectic and fun and hey, maybe it should have been voted higher but what am I some sort of God? No, I'm not. Oh, hey, LYRICS!
9/10. "Live From the Lab" by Duncan
"Live From the Lab" is a folksy pop-ballad about Robocop's struggle for stardom at CNN. It received 27 votes and I really enjoyed it so I hope you listen to it all the way through. Listen for the hand claps!

Right click and save the song.

Right click and save the song.
8. "The Cyborg Decimation Of Anderson Cooper" by Steve
40 votes is pretty damn impressive for a song recorded in a dorm room. "The Cyborg Decimation of Anderson Cooper" is a perfectly executed death metal tribute to the conflict raging between Robocop and Anderson Cooper. You can't actually understand most of what Steve growls into the microphone but if you want you can try to sing along.
7. "Robocop" by Dino Dick Dance Party
Dino Dick Dance Party participated in last year's J-List contest and this time around their musical entry garnered them 66 votes. The simply-titled "Robocop" is a funky-fried rap number sung from Robocop's perspective. He explains his hatred for Anderson Cooper and why he is superior. If Anderson Cooper listens to only one song today it should be this one. He can sing along too!

Right click and save the song.

Click the image for the full sized version.
6. "A Gathering of Forum-tans" by Sam
This impressive image took in 75 votes. It depicts a gathering of "-tans" based on the various sections of the Something Awful Forums. There are so many "-tans" that the image actually comes with a guide.
5. "SA-tan's Water Closet" by Lori
This sassy image received an impressive 104 votes from various perverts. It depicts a particularly naughty version of SA-tan who has spent just a little too much time playing the absolute worst hentai games. Like "Water Closet." Ohhhhh horrible, horrible, horrible "Water Closet." Thanks Lori! For your efforts you are the proud winner of a lovely City Name Sports Team t-shirt!

Click the image for the full sized version.

Click the image for the full sized version.
4. "Awful-tan's ROFL Adventures " by Dan
Dan has done an absolutely wonderful job capturing the look and feel of an anime TV show and translating it to the SA-tan concept. For his great work he received 119 votes and he will also receive a a City Name Sports Team hat and t-shirt! You are a beautiful person Dan.
3. "OH! Stupid Newbie-Chan!" by root
Flash superstar root takes us on an adventure with this delightful anime-influenced movie. On the "-tan" food pyramid poor little Stupid Newbie-Chan is at the absolute bottom. She doesn't know what she's doing on the SA Forums. For his hard work and dedication to animating a baby that looks like a cute cartoon testicle root was voted into office with 133 votes. Thanks to J-List root will be receiving a delightful Third Place Prize Package!

Click the image and watch the Flash movie.

Click the image for the full sized version.
2. "SA Girl " by Tom
Tom blasted all the way to number two thanks to 185 votes for this amazing image. I almost feel like I'm cheating on the Baroness from last year's contest just looking at this picture. Tom transformed the concept of a cute anime "-tan" into a cool futuristic cartoon woman. I wouldn't try to punch her in the gut and make her puke because she probably has lasers or something. Congratulations Tom, you've won a J-Listastic Second Place Prize Package!
1. "The Vengeance of SA-tan" by Andrew
Andrew smashed his way to first place with 246 votes and the satisfaction of knowing he is the greatest. Andrew presented a delightful manga-style comic that continued the saga of the ALoD gut-puncher comic to its logical conclusion: SA's total victory! Congratulations Andrew, for your hard work and dedication to the contest you have won J-LIST'S GRAND PRIZE PACKAGE!!! I'm sure you will really enjoy that inflatable sex toy. At length. Messily.

Right click and save the ZIP file containing the comic.



Thanks to everyone who participated in this year's contest. There were many good entries that did not make the final cut and that makes me very sad. I would like to hug all of you tearfully through the Internet for your fantastic contributions. Consider yourself hugged!

Special thanks to J-List. I make fun of their products constantly and give them a lot of shit over their horrible hentai games, but Peter from J-List is a really cool guy for providing us with fantastic prizes. He is also one of the only advertisers who never even suggested doing pop-up ads, which is why we love him so much!

Extra special thanks to Doug DiCicco, who was so inspired by last year's worst entry featuring Admiral Ackbar he decided to send me a one megabyte bitmap he drew in MS-Paint. I saved it as a lossless GIF and it weighed in at ten kilobytes. Thanks Doug DiCicco of 3478 Harvey Court, Atlanta! This year there is no loser prize but maybe someone will hand deliver one to you at 3478 Harvey Court, Atlanta.

All winners should email me their name, address, and if you won a shirt include your t-shirt size. Don't worry if you're a big fat guy, I won't tell anybody. Unless you happen to be a big fat guy who is also smelly and mean named Doug DiCicco.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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