On March 20th, we introduced our 1990s era Call of Cthulhu contest based around our imaginary module "Hard Ticket to Baghdad." Readers were asked to submit art loosely themed around the 1990s, Call of Cthulhu and, in honor of Ultimate Warrior, professional wrestlers. We will be playing this imaginary module in the near future, but today we announce the contest winners and celebrate some of the other entries. As always, a big thanks to everyone who submitted an entry to the contest, even the guy who sent us an MS-Paint drawing of a dick. It was just what we needed.
Zack: Steve, are you as excited as I am about announcing the winners of our contest?Steve: I am probably more excited than you about everything. You've accused me of being excitable before.
Zack: You have to admit, that time you realized that White Castle has a breakfast menu.
Steve: They have toast sandwiches dude. And breakfast sliders with eggs. I bet I could eat fifteen of those things.
Zack: They say that every whole egg you eat takes a day off your life, I'm guessing that with egg sliders they mean you spend the whole day on the toilet.
Steve: Yeah, real nice, dude. Welcome everyone to our big contest with a bunch of nasty bathroom jokes. How do you expect our memes to go viral?
Zack: We just keep creating content and hoping for the best.
Zack: Which is what you're doing whenever you eat a breakfast slider.
Steve: Ohhhh man, let's just get on with it.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.