Whatever criteria are used to determine what's alive ought to be revised to exclude clams.
I resent koalas because I can't have one.
Ostriches and emus: redundant. Pick one. In fact, let's just cut it down to "llamas."
The anteater is a little too singular in his purpose for my tastes.
What is the tortoise but nature's coward?
The hippopotamus reminds us of everything we hate about ourselves.
They say that being tall predisposes one to success, but I've never seen a giraffe with a corner office.
Tapirs look like something Edward Gorey would draw.
If I were Noah, I would have left the capybaras behind. Not even God would have noticed.
If eagles are so patriotic, where are their bumper stickers?
The guinea pig is a compilation of the worst characteristics of greater animals.
It is standard procedure for the White House to have a synthetic. But it sometimes malfunctions...
This VR game has become sentient and is killing us one by one. But is it art?
If you think Hitler was good, you've got another thing coming.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.