When I go to the zoo, the otters come up to the glass and look at me. No, you little shits, I'm here to see you.
I have an ugly hunch that prairie dogs are all connected underground like the world's biggest mushroom.
Go ahead and buy your hamster a big complex of tubes. It's just going to sit in the bottom one looking stupid until you get bored and put it in your asshole.
Horses are for 12-year-old girls with pink stretch pants and thick glasses who are pathologically fascinated with equine sexual majesty.
Yeah, narwhals are pretty funny. Until someone gets hurt.
It should go without saying that the platypus is a fiasco.
A swan is literally just a gay turkey.
But you know what? I can't stay mad at a slow loris.
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
The guns are gone. Now what happens to all those paper targets? Don't tell me you forgot about the paper targets. The ones hanging from little clips on fancy clotheslines at shooting ranges. With no guns to destroy these legions of paper bastards, they go unchecked.
A sign proclaiming "BACTA: DA FUTURE" marks the town's medical clinic
1998: I upload dave.pcx, and change the course of history
Set goals for yourself, and fulfill them. Absurd! Only in video games!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.