When I go to the zoo, the otters come up to the glass and look at me. No, you little shits, I'm here to see you.
I have an ugly hunch that prairie dogs are all connected underground like the world's biggest mushroom.
Go ahead and buy your hamster a big complex of tubes. It's just going to sit in the bottom one looking stupid until you get bored and put it in your asshole.
Horses are for 12-year-old girls with pink stretch pants and thick glasses who are pathologically fascinated with equine sexual majesty.
Yeah, narwhals are pretty funny. Until someone gets hurt.
It should go without saying that the platypus is a fiasco.
A swan is literally just a gay turkey.
But you know what? I can't stay mad at a slow loris.
Some helpful tips about forcing God's Love on total strangers this Christmas season.
Good day. We are Hester and Karl, and we are something rare. We are a couple ... of Stock Photo Lifestylists! Lifestylers? We lead a Stock Photo Lifestyle.
The interpreter from the Mandela memorial tries to explain himself the only way he knows how.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.