Do you remember your college days, the way you wallowed in your own filth, subsided on assorted inedibles and engaged in vile debauchery? Some of the Something Awful Forum Goons are still living the crazy bachelor dream.
"I once took a shit while eating a sandwich."
"Didn't want to do dishes so I used a CD spindle's cover as a bowl for several meals of cereal."
"Ran out of shower gel. Used orange-scented dish soap for a week instead."
"I just leave a huge bag of cat food on its side so that the cat can feed himself whenever he wants until the bag is empty."
"Oh, I had sex on my little brother's bed and then didn't take the sheets off."
"I didn't want to fuck with finding a clean spoon, so I drank pudding out of the little cup it came in. Wiped my face on the chair in which I was sitting."
"I smoke whilst shitting all the time. Almost every time I'm on the toilet I'm smoking and playing my DS. Never burned my balls, though."
"I buy Thousand Island dressing and use it on everything. Sandwiches, burgers, fish, chicken. I don't have time to fuck with sauces."
"Empty 40 oz bottles are all over the place. I'm thinking of turning them into tasteful vases and candelabras."
"Rinsed out and used the cap off of a hairspray can as a highball glass."
"Pissed outside at a friend's apartment while drunk -- in a heavily populated neighborhood, and right next to a transformer."
"Spread butter on a biscuit using a Phillips head screwdriver."
"Ran out of cigarettes, so I found a bunch of empty packs in my car's floorboard, and rolled up what was left inside in some newspaper and smoked it. Not my proudest moment."
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I'm Ray Parker Jr, and it's time I came clean.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.