A rhinoceros is just some kind of bullshit leftover dinosaur.
The sheep is devalued, having been the only animal successfully counterfeited.
Geese are basically big, angry ducks. The last thing the world needs is big, angry versions of benign animals.
Moths are so undeserving of the gift of flight that God saw fit to irresistibly compel them to fly into fires.
Owls seem to have a lot of fucking attitude for something that shits crumbled-up mice bones all night.
Elephants mourn their dead. That's the best time to catch them unawares.
Meerkats always look like they're trying to cross the street. Just go, dickhead.
I'll turn vegetarian as soon as someone shows me a cow doing something more important than getting broiled.
Until we start getting a three-day weekend for Groundhog Day, groundhogs ain't shit to me.
How many animals have a cardinal sin named after them? Just the sloth: God's most evil creature.
Sleeping with AC is at this point a basic human right. But if you're one of the doomed souls forced to deal with global warming on a nightly basis, here's an hourly breakdown on how to get the most out of your inferno hellscape of a bedroom.
Some of the Internet's most veteran anatomy experts convened to discuss the stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and other beautiful celebrities.
We're spelunking through the movie catacombs this week. Join us, won't you?
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.