A rhinoceros is just some kind of bullshit leftover dinosaur.
The sheep is devalued, having been the only animal successfully counterfeited.
Geese are basically big, angry ducks. The last thing the world needs is big, angry versions of benign animals.
Moths are so undeserving of the gift of flight that God saw fit to irresistibly compel them to fly into fires.
Owls seem to have a lot of fucking attitude for something that shits crumbled-up mice bones all night.
Elephants mourn their dead. That's the best time to catch them unawares.
Meerkats always look like they're trying to cross the street. Just go, dickhead.
I'll turn vegetarian as soon as someone shows me a cow doing something more important than getting broiled.
Until we start getting a three-day weekend for Groundhog Day, groundhogs ain't shit to me.
How many animals have a cardinal sin named after them? Just the sloth: God's most evil creature.
With college finals approaching, it's time once again for Microsoft Word autosummaries of all the old, boring books you were supposed to read.
"Don't you get it? What we have to understand is it's them or us. It can't be all of us, or one. It's got to be us, or they become it. Then we lose what makes us we."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.