A rhinoceros is just some kind of bullshit leftover dinosaur.
The sheep is devalued, having been the only animal successfully counterfeited.
Geese are basically big, angry ducks. The last thing the world needs is big, angry versions of benign animals.
Moths are so undeserving of the gift of flight that God saw fit to irresistibly compel them to fly into fires.
Owls seem to have a lot of fucking attitude for something that shits crumbled-up mice bones all night.
Elephants mourn their dead. That's the best time to catch them unawares.
Meerkats always look like they're trying to cross the street. Just go, dickhead.
I'll turn vegetarian as soon as someone shows me a cow doing something more important than getting broiled.
Until we start getting a three-day weekend for Groundhog Day, groundhogs ain't shit to me.
How many animals have a cardinal sin named after them? Just the sloth: God's most evil creature.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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