SpaceMouse has never actually been seen in the same room as his prized "World's Largest Pumpkin." PERHAPS THEY ARE ONE IN THE SAME??

Spiffarino is the world's soggiest man, a title he earned for himself by soaking in a tub of milk for five days.

Spiffarino's dying wish is to be fed to starving children.

Straws hasn't been the same since the bastards took his Matlock away.

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    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

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