State Og has decided to launch a full scale invasion of the American cinema this summer and we are offering you the inside scoop on our upcoming projects. We suggest you read on as we have ways of knowing that you did not and also ways of jimmying that window that faces north in your bedroom and slipping several thousand centipedes into your bed. Most of our projects are in post production. Our director has been former African dictator Sebastian "Big Prince" Mokali, who we worked with on last year's haunted house to raise funds for our charity organization "Money for State Og and Former African Dictators with the Last Name Mokali". Our cast of talented actors has been three confused Japanese people we kidnapped from a tour group along with all the vagrants and hookers we could force at sword point to act.
Here's our summer/fall lineup with insider facts about the production of each:
We would like to take a little time to address some letters we have received recently in the State Og mailbag. For those kids who enjoy a good game, we have hidden a coded message to one of our field operatives in one of our responses, try and spot it.
Dear Sir or Madam,Dear Elias,
I represent the Environmental Protection Agency and on behalf of the people of Deer Flats, Michigan we will be initiating an investigation of your Deer Flats facility. This investigator was alerted by people in the community that your "Compressed Meat Coils" might be leaking dangerous levels of contaminated liquid into the nearby Deer Creek. I will be contacting you again to set up an appointment to tour your facility.
Our Compressed Meat Coils exceed the FDA's standards and are in line with all pollution ordinances for molded beef based power generation. An internal investigation has lead us to believe that the party responsible is actually Jeanne's Collectibles and Curios some 2 kilometers upstream. She has improperly stored several dozen barrels of toxic waste that she apparently stole from our extremely safe underground storage facility near the grade school. We also are interested in knowing the names and home addresses of every person who complained to you.
You Evil Bastards!Dear Jeanne,
I bought your product, The Lil' Tyke Glass Catapult, from your factory outlet store for my son's 8th birthday. He was so excited to see that I had gotten it for him, but when he opened package all that was inside was the rotten corpse of a rat. You ruined my son's birthday!
Jeanne's Collectibles and Curios
Due to the fact that you made your purchase at a factory outlet rather than a licensed State Og retailer we can only replace your defective Lil' Tyke Glass Catapult with an identical model. If you would like another dead rat, please return the packaging and unused portion to the factory outlet and we will be happy to replace it. On an unrelated note; Agent Sigma, install the chemical release system into the EPA's ventilation system then move carefully to the first floor men's room. Bite down on the cyanide capsule installed into your right molar and collapse dead to the floor.
This is your typical consumer model throne. If you just want a cheap prop, it's fine. If you want to actually sit like a king, pony up the cash and get yourself a prosumer model. This entry level stuff is more for a duke or baron at best.
Do you wish to know what computers will be doing in the year to come? With a sigh I shall exert the minimal effort it takes to reveal all. Feel free to print out these predictions and share them with your friends via fax.
State Og... what is it? Who knows! Where do they operate? No clue! All we know is they're fairly evil, and nobody dares question the might of State Og!