Whenever I see a pregnant woman I think of one more person to be stuck behind in traffic. I imagine five more minutes tacked on to my wait in the supermarket checkout line. I think of another screaming kid in the movie theater that just won't shut up. I think of the unlimited potential that the child has to become as big of a fuckup as he or she can be. How can that possibly arouse anyone?

You know that at events where a lot of pregnant women congregate there are inconspicuous men standing around eying their large bellies while jerking themselves off through their pants.

Aren't the characters in Pokemon like 13?!?! GODDAMN!!!

This makes me sad.

Good gravy!

So what?!


Why can't people just have normal sex lives?

This is getting hot.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'

  • Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.