Welcome to open mic night at Something Awful! Tonight the best and brightest talents from the Something Awful Forums will be reading selected pieces from Weekend Web in order to personify the wacky forums we know and love. It all started when forum user Jer posted this incredible thread asking forum members to read Weekend Web posts out loud. I have selected the best 25 to star in their very own Weekend Web. Get ready to do a lot of right clicking and "saving as"! Without further ado, let the games begin!

Jer starts us off with this little ditty.

jca has to make a decision that will affect the rest of his life.

chuckelZ goes to an all black school.

Paulness had a close call with the law.

Paulness is sick of his mom and her bullshit!

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

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