Atma, the auteur behind Satan's Choose Your Own Adventure saga, crafted a sequel that focused on a family man named Bob who was guided by input from the creatively sadistic SA Goons! Now Atma's loosely related trilogy comes to a close with "Endtimes.exe," an epic tale that addresses his usual themes (revenge, violence, salvation) and features all the trademarks of his forums-assisted storytelling (character callbacks, religious iconography, graphic depiction of scatological functions)!
> "Go away, I've already heard the good news!"
> SMELL old man.
> Approach man and greet him.
> take both heads from the pole, stick your hands in them to use them as punching gloves,turn to the old man, stare him in the eyes "lets do this" and walk off into the sunset
> ruminate on human mortality
> Tame a crow and use it to scout ahead
Yeah right, dummy. That's not plausible at all. Here's what we do instead:
> Capture crows. Use old man's beard to tie them up, causing old man to achieve flight. Order old man to scout the road ahead.
cock hero flux
> skin a corpse with your teeth
> take skin
> go to barn
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.