Virgin Roster

I saved you from a brutal rape, now as a reward I demand that you let me brutally rape you!Game Concept: I've never been a fan of censorship and have always been fundamentally opposed to the sort of "think of the children" video game parental outrage that is occasionally stirred up by Rockstar Games. Since the Internet has become readily available the idea that video games contain the worst the world has to offer is more than a little amusing. Even the majority of hentai games are downright timid compared to the thousands of hardcore porn websites that will turn up when a kid harmlessly searches Google for his favorite fire truck "the pumper". Virgin Roster, then, belongs to an elite club of hentai games that could honestly scar any kids who might get a hold of them. I'm not going to claim with a straight face that Virgin Roster is as bad as the absolute worst porn filth to be found on the Internet, but it's not too far off.

The game begins with Kengo walking down a street and getting looks from a couple of ladies who think he is attractive. Kengo thinks about just how dashing and handsome he is and then thinks about how smart he is. When he's done with his narcissism he thinks a little more about his ingenious scheme to violently rape women and then, through this process alone, transform them into willing sex slaves. I'm not too familiar about the mechanics of a violent rape, but I don't think it usually involves hypnotism or "Stockholm Syndrome". Kengo explains how the slaves he creates are kept for his amusement until he grows tired of them and sells them to wealthy old men. How convenient for Kengo that he just got a new job as a substitute chemistry teacher at Seigetsu Private School, which is "OMG OVER 18ese" for "high school". Kengo is, of course, already scheming to take advantage of his new position to create another of his sinister harems.

Kengo's character single-handedly demonstrates that if Japan has mastered one thing in video games it's the anti-hero. If Kengo were an American anti-hero he would have to include something redeeming about his character, or at least something to allow his audience to sympathize with him. For example, if Kengo were in an American game, his parents might have been murdered by virgins or he only would rape virgins if they were serious criminals. Sort of like a vigilante crime deflowerer. The Japanese have no such reservations about making the protagonist unrepentantly evil. Kengo rapes girls, older women, beats them all, drugs them, ties them up, and even threatens to kill them. He's a real sweet-talker that way.

Yuki is hot for teacher.I'm only a few paragraphs into the review and I am really tired of typing the word "rape". Maybe it's discomfort from all of the male-guilt I was told to have by that screaming lesbian at college or it's a slowly resurfacing memory of a former life where I was gang raped by saber tooth tigers. I'm not really sure. Whatever the cause is, for the remainder of the review I would like to make a few replacements for my own personal reasons. The general term "rape" will be replaced with "cuddle" and the term "violently raped" will become "rambunctiously cuddled". I may sub in other words as needed but with all of the magical forehead gems in India I still am not prescient enough to know what else I may need.

Back to "Virgin Roster". Kengo has settled in to his little school by introducing himself to the staff and ogling the various nymphs like a Nascar dad at a Denny's breakfast buffet. The first woman to be introduced to Kengo's incomparable repertoire of charms is a shy brunette named Kiyoka. Kengo encounters her being molested by some of the boys at the school and valiantly comes to her rescue. Once she's safe Kengo turns the tables on her by coercing her into stripping naked. Kiyoka is fairly reluctant but seems to not fully realize that she's jumped out of the cuddling pan and into the cuddle pit. She strips naked but hesitates at the bra and panties. Kengo, feeling a surge in his manliest of humours, rips her clothes off and begins rambunctiously cuddling her.

This first cuddling sequence introduced me to two aspects of the cuddling in Virgin Roster which I was to become very familiar with. The first is the fact that all but one of the people Kengo has the opportunity to cuddle with is a virgin, and the game goes to great lengths to emphasize the gushing virgin's blood. Following the cuddling with Kengo, for example, Kiyoka lies on the ground spread eagle and pumps a loathsome morass of white and red out of her vagina. Angel food cake and whipped cream anyone?! The second item that was introduced to me in this sequence was the concept of a creaking leather vagina. If you've ever worn hard leather gloves you know the satisfying creak they make when you flex your hand into a fist. I was not aware of this, but apparently this is the exact same sound that a virgin's vagina makes upon cuddling.

Amazingly Saki does not get peed on in this scene.Following her brutal cuddle Kiyoka does the only logical thing and becomes a nearly-robotic slave to the mixture of shame and passion Kengo has awakened within her. As Kengo prowls for more victims Kiyoka is nearly always waiting in the wings with a glassy stare and an ominously whirring dildo. Next up on my agenda was the blue-haired Yuki, who was obviously attracted to Kengo and probably willing to engage in cuddle-free bedroom activities. Always more than happy to look a gift horse right in its hymen-obstructed mouth, Kengo decided that sex wasn't good enough and tag-teamed with Kiyoka against Yuki for another rambunctious cuddle.

Yuki didn't quite fall into the same post-coital trance as Kiyoka, but she was certainly willing to put in repeat appearances. Probably my "favorite" scene in the entire game involves Yuki and Kiyoka performing oral sex on Kengo's blood-drenched penis after he has robbed Yuki of her virginity.

Kengo then decided to kick things up a notch - actually maybe I decided, it's hard to say what with the three interactive options I got to pick all game - by chloroforming the head teacher Saki and cuddling her in a bathroom. When Saki confronted Kengo the following day he threatened to inject a poison-filled syringe into the carotid artery of a bound Kiyoka unless Saki agreed to further debase herself. Always the quick thinker, Saki agreed to be tied to the wall in a weird bondage outfit and then cuddled by both Kengo and Kiyoka.

The game ended with what I believe was intended as a happy ending. The cuddle-crossed Yuki and Kiyoka both shambled off like they're thirsting for brains in the shadow of the harem king Kengo.

Difficulty: Virgin Roster barely registers as a game in any sense. There are three interactive branches at the most in the title and the rest of it is just a matter of clicking the mouse to make text go faster. There are some brief animations during the cuddling and art in the game is actually pretty good, but neither of these alters the degree of interactivity featured. So for most this game will be unbelievably easy. For those of you who have difficulty watching Power Point presentations about cuddling the game might prove quite hard.

Defining Moment: There's a close race for defining moments in this title. One contender is the liquid Canadian flag coming out of Kiyoka's deflowered cuddle aperture following her deflowering. Unfortunately for the Canucks, I'm afraid that Kiyoka and her Log Cabin Lite lose out to the bloody cock blowjob seen during the Yuki cuddle sequence. The only thing that could have made this sequence more repellant is if the developers behind "Virgin Roster" had somehow worked an aborted fetus and a trash bag full of diarrhea into it.

Final Thoughts: I find it slightly strange that a game as simplistic and vile as "Virgin Roster" would also feature some of the best art assets I've seen in a hentai game. I'm not sure who is responsible for hiring artists on a project like this - probably a crazy old Japanese man in a bathrobe who pays people by not following through on threats to cut out their intestines - but they managed a real coup by hiring a talented artist for their little cuddle game. It's too bad the artist doesn't come anywhere near possessing the talent to overcome his material. No matter how perfectly you draw breasts and nipples, no matter how many Photoshop filters you expertly use, you're still drawing pictures for a game about cuddling virgins.