Bruce's Bombs, Explosives, and Ordnance Pages, submitted by Benoit. Bruce plans on eventually blowing you up, but not with his bombs, explosives, and ordnance; it's his webpage that will make your eyes explode. Bruce seems to be very concerned with explosives and firecrackers, along with static electricity and animated gifs. I can't really figure out if this guy is pro- or anti-explosive because his page caused my entire head to detonate like a pipebomb inside a watermelon. In fact, I've been looking at his website for the past 20 minutes and I still can't determine its purpose. My closest guess would be that it's part of some kind of weird governmental criminal rehabilitation program where arsonists are forced to create webpages detailing their extensive knowledge of explosives and using fonts the size of a dining room table.
6. Military devices are designed to kill.
Wow! What helpful advice! Bruce sure knows his stuff! Along with such helpful explosive-related facts, Bruce also supplies an "explosive" sense of humor (ha ha, get it?) as is proof on his "Explosive Humor" section.
BOMBS AWAY...BABES AHOY
Nothing turns a woman on like a guy with a cool job. And when your real job doesn't qualify, it's time to lie. This month, you are: A Bomb Squad Commander.
PICK UP LINE
"I can tear apart the biggest bomb ever made but I have super sensitive fingers"
Ha ha! See, that's a funny joke because... well, it's just funny because, uh, well, uh, I forgot. Maybe you have to be in an explosion to think it's funny, but I don't think I'm willing to make that sacrifice or else I'll end up like this guy. I love the sound on that page, by the way. Thank you for providing such a helpful service, Bruce! Maybe some day when I determine exactly what that service is, I'll send you a Pick-Me-Up Bouquet... FULL OF EXPLOSIVES!!! Muahahaha!
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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