David Marks: Personal Bodyguard, submitted by Robert. David Marks is a war hero, a bodyguard, a model, and no doubt a beloved grandfather. In fact he is some sort of crazy posterchild for active senior living, he loves bicycling almost as much as he loves jumping over the hood of a car and leveling a gun on you while shouting "don't move, scumbag!"
He has worked for major celebrities and has earned the accolades of a number of organizations, just take a look!
- Recognition of Past Achievements and Outstanding Service, Editorial Board of the American Biographical Institute, September 1985
- Personal Protection and Investigation Award, Biographical Role of Honor, August 1985
- McDonalds All American Team, McDonalds, June 1985
- Outstanding Service Award, McDonalds, June 1985
- Employee of the Month, McDonalds, May 1985
- Employee of the Month, McDonalds, April 1985
- Certificate of Appreciation, American Police Hall of Fame, February 1985
HE FOUND THE HAMBURGER! IT WAS HIDING IN THE KITCHEN UNDERNEATH THE SPECIAL SAUCE, AND HE FRIED IT TOO!
CONGRATULATIONS MR. MARKS ON ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.