The Murda Mafia, submitted by . Besides being a horrible eyesore, the "Murda Mafia" appears to be a happy treehouse club of some kind where everybody has to put on paper sailor hats and hate icky girls. At least, that's what I got out of their mission statement:
The Murda~Mafia is all about bein Family.When i say family,d@'z just what i mean,"Family",a TRUe Fam.In the M~M bein a family means havin each others back,bein there for yo family members,takin up for yo fam.,helpin yo fam. out,anything that U would do for your family.Bein family is a very important key to da success-of-da clique.We gotta have true peeps to watch out for each otha'n'make sure invaderz ain't tryna get up in da fam.'n'destroy us.Most-of-da peeps in da clique don't think-of-dis is just "net peepz",--These are peepz we can call on,--on'n'offline.So-if-u can show love like d@ den it'z all gravy.
The Mafia ain't wit da unnecessary DRAMA,--ya heard--?¿We just what da name say,--some Murderous Type niggaz,so basically don't fucc wit us--we wont fucc wit U.Haterz:Yall can say whateva da hell u wanna about us.U can say we ain't bout it,we ain't bout shit,we ain't this,we ain't dat,but when it all comes down to it,--WE HANDLE OURS((ON'N'OFFLINE)).D@'z exactly why we considered some BOUT IT muhfuggaz,--cauze we Bout Handelin Our Business'n'Keepin Haterz out-of-It,....d@'z 1-of-da Murda~Mafia mottoz,so act like ya know.
After translating this to English, I discovered that the Murda Mafia believes in the concept of "showing love like it's all gravy" and then "taking it up for yo fam." I guess that's some kind of hip new age anal rape lingo, but who can tell?
It's nice that these gangs have the good sense to take care of bidness both online and off. I mean, keeping the playah hataz at bay is tough work. They're constantly on my porch failing to give me mad props and getting all up in my face like they all that, and that's just wack. I won't even go there, uh uh, it's all good, whoomp there it is, can't touch this, backdafuckup, where's the beef, etc.
PS: You can sign up to join the Murda Mafia right here... it's every child's dream!
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Guess what's back? Frosty tundras! And me.
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