It's been established that people are willing to pay premium prices for clothing that arrives already in disrepair. People buy pre-ripped jeans, which, all things considered, might be the stupidest purchasable item ever conceived. Now Easy Tiger Corp has started peddling pre-stained underwear in an attempt to test the limits of consumers' sadistic appetite for debased apparel. The skid marks allegedly contain no actual fecal matter, a revelation that eliminates the health-based argument against owning Easy Tiger briefs. Countless aesthetic objections remain.
Unlike pre-ripped jeans manufacturers, Easy Tiger acknowledges the inherent goofiness of its product line. But like pre-ripped jeans manufacturers, Easy Tiger sells something that no one with even a vague semblance of intelligence would even consider buying at any price, or accepting for free, or agreeing to wear for a modest salary.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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