I was in HS and dating this really hot (and fairly slutty) blonde. My parents were (are) pretty conservative, especially since my paternal grandfather was a Baptist minister. So when this girl (we'll call her Tammy) and I wanted to have some fun, we had to find someplace private. This usually ended up being my car ('76 VW Scirocco). One day I took her to a place I had previously scoped out...which was a "two-track" dirt road behind a curve on a very unused highway in a hilly, rural area. I really should have given this area a closer look, as one needed 4wd to navigate it successfully. So we went back there, fucked each others brains out, and were ready to leave. I then proceeded to get the car royally stuck in a hidden hole. I tried rocking it back and forth, spinning the wheels, but couldn't get out.
Then I noticed the smell.
The smell of death.
I had unknowingly picked out perhaps the worst location for this activity within a 50 mile radius of my house. An animal graveyard. This was a place where hunters dropped off their deer carcasses (sans head, of course), pets they no longer wanted, etc. When the tires were spinning, the heat caused some not-quite-decomposed animal to cook underneath the wheels. The smell was overpowering.
I got out of the car and for the first time noticed all the carcasses. The closest one was a dead puppy. Very romantic. I told Tammy not to look back, but of course she did. She was, uhhh..."not happy". Even worse, the nearest house was about a mile up the hill. So we hiked up there and called my folks. The best story I could come up with was that we were up there "taking pictures" (photography is one of my hobbies), and that I got the car stuck. My mom drove our 4wd truck up and we managed to get the car out.
Somehow, I don't think she believed my story, but she never mentioned it.
Most recently my girlfriend and I were in my room and she was REALLY horny, we were both naked and as it was summer, my room was very hot. So we had the duvet at our feet, just within grasping distance. She was giving me awesome head whilst kneeling beside my bed, as I laid on it. Just then we heard my brother coming upstairs so we decided she should be clothed while I remained stark bullock naked. She continued to give me head but then guess what? Yeah my brother decided to come into my room. He did a half assed knock then opened the door anyway. I shot up like a rocket and dived under the duvet, as he came in and saw my girlfriend kneeling on the floor and me half under the duvet, obviously with no pants on. He said nothing but gave me a dodgy look and walked out again.
The house is full of people, but I'm alone with the gf in my room. She starts being sexy and pulling off clothes, when my mom knocks on the door... the gf pulls her pants up as quick as can be, and I say "come in". My mom looks at my gf, see how red she is, and asks "Were you just doing a striptease?" (I'm trying to keep a straight face, pretending to do something on the computer) The gf responds with ".... .... n-n-n-noo..." At this most pathetic response, I absolutely lose it. I start cracking up, point at her, and say "YES SHE WAS!!!"
My mom and I laugh at her, as she laughs in embarrassment. It was fun.
I and my first real boyfriend (now fiancé) were in my room making out. I was like, 14, and he was 16 (now 22 and 24). My mom had this thing for running around with the video camera and scaring people. I can't remember too clearly, but I know there was some pretty serious nosexbutatleastmypantsoff action happening and my mom burst in with the video camera. Later watching the video she had dubbed in the theme to her favorite soap "All My Children" to the beginning of the tape. I remember this now because of course when visiting this summer with my best friend she dragged out this tape. She was laughing about how we were kissing, while I was eyeing the pillow I had pulled over our laps thinking "Jesus I think he was fingering me!"
My mom walked in on me and my girlfriend...the second she started to cum. She's not a quiet girl.
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.