treasure bear

Flour Golem
Made from wheat golem the flour golem is a key staple golem used in making bread, pastry and pasta golems.

GEExCEE

Dog Golem
Not a Golem shaped like a Dog, but, rather, a number of Dogs smooshed together into a single organism. Extremely friendly and excitable, the dog golem makes an excellent companion, although it must be walked and groomed frequently.

Lizard Wizard

sand golem: collapses immediately into a pile of sand.

Hick Magnet

Thought Golem
Imagine if you're a Golem, and that's exactly what this is. You just summoned this Golem and you're ready to move on to more advanced Golems.

ron color

Monopoly Golem this golem controls everything from St Charles Place to Marvin Gardens. To Banish, just repeat "that's half the board mother fucker" and crash all his hotels to the carpet. Works for Standard Monopoly only

google THIS

iron golem
put one of these bad boys in your closet and you'll never have to worry about wrinkled clothes again. just make sure it cools completely before trying to handle it, and bear in mind you'll have to feed it upwards of three gallons of distilled water a day

alnilam

Egg Golem if kept for long enough will yield the powerful Bird Golem. Egg Golem resists crush-type attacks surprisingly well, but is extremely susceptible to most other kinds of damage.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful