If you've ever wondered about golems - the mystical sewer beasts made from clay by powerful Jewish wizards - then Hick Magnet has you covered. Here are some of the most popular golem types out there today, as assembled by - you guessed it folks - the SA forum goons!
The Reebok Golem is the fastest of all golems and excels at basketball. It can leap a dozen feet in the air and has a psychic connection with any nearby shot clock. It will often roll up on street games and bounce forward, dunking on everyone it passes. Who summons the Reebok Golem? Where do they keep coming from?
Not just a regular Golem, the rock Golem is comprised entirely of rock music ephemera such as the ironic electric guitars emblematic of the now 60 year old genre.
Reptilian Golem these guys appear whenever you call 911. Small chance they will become enraged if you look at the badge number
The Corduroy Golem, rarer now than in the woodwork of history, is known primarily for the infuriating *zut-zut* noises it makes as it creeps through hallways at nighttime. It has an awful glare and many childrens' fables warn of the dangers of confusing a Corduroy Golem with your teddy bear.
Nothing weird about this big guy. Though it may just be a standard golem compared to more modern golem varieties on offer, the Normal Golem will always be the classic quintessential golem and will always hold a place in our hearts.
biggest golem: this golem is the biggest golem, there is none larger. if you think you can make a bigger golem you can't bc it is impossible.
it's basically a handful of very small golems. think of them as like a handful of m&ms, except instead of red blue and green m&ms you have red blue and green golems. please do NOT eat the golems.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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