If you've ever wondered about golems - the mystical sewer beasts made from clay by powerful Jewish wizards - then Hick Magnet has you covered. Here are some of the most popular golem types out there today, as assembled by - you guessed it folks - the SA forum goons!

Hick Magnet

Reebok Golem
The Reebok Golem is the fastest of all golems and excels at basketball. It can leap a dozen feet in the air and has a psychic connection with any nearby shot clock. It will often roll up on street games and bounce forward, dunking on everyone it passes. Who summons the Reebok Golem? Where do they keep coming from?

treasure bear

Rock Golem
Not just a regular Golem, the rock Golem is comprised entirely of rock music ephemera such as the ironic electric guitars emblematic of the now 60 year old genre.

ron color

Reptilian Golem these guys appear whenever you call 911. Small chance they will become enraged if you look at the badge number

Hick Magnet

Corduroy Golem
The Corduroy Golem, rarer now than in the woodwork of history, is known primarily for the infuriating *zut-zut* noises it makes as it creeps through hallways at nighttime. It has an awful glare and many childrens' fables warn of the dangers of confusing a Corduroy Golem with your teddy bear.

treasure bear

Normal Golem
Nothing weird about this big guy. Though it may just be a standard golem compared to more modern golem varieties on offer, the Normal Golem will always be the classic quintessential golem and will always hold a place in our hearts.


biggest golem: this golem is the biggest golem, there is none larger. if you think you can make a bigger golem you can't bc it is impossible.

Afro Doug

various golems
it's basically a handful of very small golems. think of them as like a handful of m&ms, except instead of red blue and green m&ms you have red blue and green golems. please do NOT eat the golems.

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