Worst workplace stories = bad workplace stories

Druggiest moments = bad drug stories

Thread starter = AEMINAL

Special thanks = Drugs, the wonderful candy that makes you smarter


I was sure aliens controlled the minds of humans, but only sometimes. I'd have these flashes of literal aliens that I could visualize and knew exactly what they were and what they were doing, and then I'd forget. But everytime I had these flashes I knew I would forget and that was the tragedy of it all, because we're literally under control and will never know. Who woulda thought eating ~5g of shrooms for your first psychedelic experience is a stark unreality.


There's a fun toy called Flarp that's some goop in a little plastic jar that makes fart sounds when you stick your finger in it. Well in 2012 we dropped acid and thought Flarp was the best thing ever and played with our Flarp until it broke down into its individual ingredients and didn't work anymore. Went and broke Flarp


I'd have to say the one that takes the cake would be the time when an older, fat Latino dude mistook me for a male prostitute, which I only realized once I was at his apartment (he said he'd call his guy and meet him there). He did end up calling the dude and I got my shit but I got the fuck out of there once I realized that he probably wasn't offering me lines of coke just to be friendly.

I guess he figured since I was standing around in the ghetto for so long as a young white kid that I must've been a hooker. All I can do now is look back and laugh..


Doing about ten hits of blotter acid while camping back in the old days. Bear in mind that back then about 200 µg was about standard dosing per hit. We melted glass bottles in a makeshift blast furnace for fun that night. When the acid got too heavy I lay down in a cornfield nearby and watched the northern lights. Had to ask the next day if they were real or just the acid. They were real. The following morning my father was pissed as usual at me and insisted I mow the lawn. I am glad I still have both feet.


Two quick glue stories: 

1. In Soviet Russia the lab workers used to put alcohol-based glue into centrifugues and drink the (relatively) pure alcohol that was extracted in the process.

2. I had an acquaintance who stopped huffing glue after he once hallucinated that the plastic bag he was using turned into a cock and balls while on his face.


Several years ago I went on a bender of speed and benzos and was up for days. Around day three I started hearing my neighbours talking shit about me and I walked over to the fence dividing our houses and yelled at them. That same night I walked to 711 with my dick almost out of my pants ( Don't ask me how that happened ) and tried to buy cigarettes (which I don't smoke and didn't have the money for) and got yelled at by the line behind me in the store for holding up the line. Pretty sure some of them saw my dick. So I walked home as quick as I could while pulling up my pants and avoiding stares.


I ate a whole pizza once

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful