Status: Connected to guide: AnneC
AnneC: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
You: hiya anne!
AnneC: How are you?
You: i'm wondering why the eagles keep losing in the nfl football thing
You: i'm excellent i hope you're fine
AnneC: I'm good thanks
You: now you see my friend has some conspiracy theory
AnneC: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!
You: he thinks it's because of some sorta plan by george bush
You: to make them lose
You: so more people will sign up for the military from philly
You: i told him it was a lie
AnneC: I'll find exactly what u need
You: well can you actually send the info to andy reid
You: c/o eagles
You: he probably needs to know more than i do
AnneC: Whats his email
You: hold on i have this written down somewhere
You: give me a sec
You: ok it's email@example.com i think
You: i hope you turn up enough info to help him
AnneC: No Problem
You: i really need them to do well this season
AnneC: Can I find anything else for you?
You: no thanks anne, you're a gem
You: high five
AnneC: Have a great night!
AnneC: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.
Status: Connected to guide: AmandaJ
AmandaJ: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
AmandaJ: How are you tonight?
You: I am fine! How are you?
AmandaJ: I'm doing wonderful, thanks!
AmandaJ: So you would like some info on building wooden crosses?
You: That is good to hear. Yes I was trying to find some information on building a large wooden cross
You: preferably around 12 feet tall or so
AmandaJ: I'll get right on that
AmandaJ: I appreciate your patience while I find exactly what you need.
You: thank you maam! Take all the time you need
You: you are serving a good purpose!
AmandaJ: Well thank you
AmandaJ: is this for outdoor purposes, I assume?
You: Oh yes, most certainly!
AmandaJ: What problems are you running into?
You: I was just looking for some general directions. I would probably be able to put something together on my own though
AmandaJ: I imagine you'll have to have a nice sturdy bottom... probably a concrete base to support it
You: Instead of that, could you help me find something on different types of wood? Like which ones burn easily but are fairly sturdy?
You: Yes that is true, although I was thinking something more along the lines of cables
AmandaJ: So you are looking to ignite the wood?
You: Well yes eventually. Possibly something that burns fairly brightly and emits a good bit of heat
AmandaJ: This isn't a really relevant site
AmandaJ: it has a couple pointers
AmandaJ: I'll continue to search and again, I appreciate your patience
You: It is no problem what so ever, you are being very helpful!
You: Do you think that something like white cedar would be a good wood to use?
You: I hear there is a white pine as well
AmandaJ: I will check more on that
You: My sincerest thanks to you
AmandaJ: Thanks for your paitence, there doesn't appear to be alot of information on the subject
You: There doesn't seem to be anymore these days
You: I remember back when I was young you could ask your next door neighbor about this sort of thing
You: Not much coming up? I have to leave for my costume party in a few minutes
Status: Looking for a guide ...
Status: Connected to guide: nicolec
nicolec: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
nicolec: how may i help you
You: I'm trying to find information on "search history", I want to see what my son has been looking up on the computer--i walked in on him the other day and he got all red-faced and turned the monitor off, so i want to make sure he isn't looking at anything dangerous on the lycos
nicolec: ok thats easy
nicolec: go to cookies in you desktop
nicolec: yes go to run prorams and type in cookies
nicolec: tell me what you see
nicolec: i will wait
You: thank you nicolec
You: i think i found it, maybe
nicolec: i am sending yousites too that will help
You: oh my god.
You: oh my GOD
You: HOLY SAINT ANTHONY'S FIRE!!!
You: my shithead SON has been showing people PICTURES of his DON JOHNSON to strangers on the internet!!!!!
You: he is OUT OF THE HOUSE
nicolec: oh i am sorry
You: I dont care if he's autistic
You: I just dont care anymore!!!
nicolec: Can I find anything else for you?
You: A NEW SON
nicolec: lol cant do that
nicolec: well hang in there and have a nice night
nicolec: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!
And that's all she wrote. Thanks to everybody over at the forums, I hope you all enjoyed this Comedy Goldmine. I trust you've learned something as well — sometimes, when you're looking for a needle in a haystack, you might just end up finding gold instead.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.