Remember Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, the plane that mysteriously disappeared a few months ago? Well, I just checked Wikipedia, and apparently it's still missing. "MH370.exe," a Choose Your Own Adventure quest conducted back when this ill-fated aircraft was the talk of the town, probably won't shed much light on its fate, but at this point it can't hurt to explore all theories. Thanks to interactive-game auteur Atma for the illustrations, and to the Goons for the storyline suggestions!
> Pee in the ocean.
> Throw homemade black box into ocean to waste time while the MH370 is being repainted and packed with North Korean high explosives in the middle of nowhere in Australia to be flown into the Yellowstone magma chamber
> drink seawater, just like drink a lot of fucking seawater
> toss your life jacket into the ocean
> drink more sea water, to acclimate yourself to the sea for your future diving operation where you check for the plane
> have an epiphany that finding the plane would be a lot easier without all of this sea water in the way, begin drinking sea water in order to remove it, and do not stop
> Make plane noises in an attempt to woo the plane
> contact wolf blitzer
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
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