The SA Forum Goons come from varied and interesting backgrounds, from professional chefs to doctors, fast food jockeys to lawyers, and software quality assurance testers to artists. However, one particular goon stands out from the rest. "Bigpeeler" has had the pleasure of working behind the scenes of one of the most bizarre jobs ever, the Public Zoo. He's been kind enough to share some of surreal stories he's either witnessed, or been told by his senior keepers. For today’s Goldmine, we're continuing where we left off, "The Monkey And The 3-Musketeers Bar."

Personally, this is one of my funnier experiences during my stay at the Zoo. I knew the keepers involved with this and happened to be there the day it happened. Between them, the psycho monkey and the Keystone Cops security guards, it was comedy gold.

Jerri worked with me at the Antelope House for quite a while before transferring over to the Primate House. There she performed kitchen duties, which involved getting there early to unload the commissary truck and then preparing the fruits and vegetables.

There was an old monkey that used to hang out in the kitchen with Jerri. His name was Red. He was a gibbon or a rhesus or something like that. He stood maybe 2 or 3 feet tall. He would sit on the prep table as the keeper chopped vegetables and they would feed him the softer pieces. He would walk about the kitchen like he was human. Like I've said before, life behind the scenes at the Zoo can take on surreal qualities.

Well one day Red was sitting on the prep table and apparently got a bit bored. He reached over and picked up Jerri's purse and started rifling through it. One of the things he pulled out was a 3-Musketeers candy bar that Jerri had just bought out of the candy machine in the hallway.

Jerri took the candy bar and cut off a small piece for Red. She was curious as to how he would react to chocolate. He picked it up, smelled it and chewed it up.

He loved it.

So over the next few weeks, Jerri would bring in an extra 3-Musketeers bar for Red, and when no one was around, slip it to him. By now he had mastered the task of opening the wrapper and eating away. He loved the 3-Musketeers because it was relatively soft inside, and his old teeth could chew it. He hated nuts because OW!!! they hurt his teefies.

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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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