The Wizard created a drug called "drugs", which didn't kill off the Southerners but instead made them really cool and relaxed, allowing them to kick back and have a really dope time! Drugs made all the Southerner's lives much, much better and fulfilling.

While on drugs, the South completely forgot about their desire to slaverize the minorities, and began to live in peace.

Lincoln realized that King President Dictator Harry S. Truman could possibly start working his evil again, so he assassinated him at Ford Theater one night. The nation breathed a sigh of relief, and the future of America never looked brighter.

Then the Republicans sieged the Presidential office, plundering and raping everything in their way. They immediately illegalized drugs so they could create more racism, slavery, hatred, oppression, high consumer prices on precious natural resources, and religion.

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2022 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful