This article is part of the SA Celebrity Stalker series.
Keeping track of the latest celebrity sightings submitted by our star-crazed readers.
Val KilmerYesterday @ 10 am
Val Kilmer sat next to me at a diner and was looking through the classified ads and sighing a lot. I asked him if work was tough and he laughed and said he was just trying to find a used couch. He smelled really bad and smacked his lips while eating pie.
Phil DonahueYesterday @ 10am
Witnessed Phil Donahue castigating a chimpanzee inside Macy's. He was yelling "you're gonna get us thrown out" and "quit misbehaving, you idiot!" As far as I could tell the chimpanzee was doing no wrong, and Phil Donahue was the one acting like an idiot.
Craig T. NelsonYesterday @11am
Ran into Craig T. Nelson in the deli on 18th Ave. He was ordering a "really big sandwich" and bragging to everyone that he could eat the whole thing all by himself. When I finally saw the sandwich he ordered it wasn't so big. Lost a lot of respect for him.
Christian BaleYesterday @ 3pm
Christian Bale was seen disappearing into a manhole in the middle of 4th Ave.
Jeremy PivenYesterday @ 5pm
Couldn't help but notice Entourage star Jeremy Piven at the Burnham St Starbucks. He was trying to buy a cup of coffee with a gold watch, but the barista was having none of it.
50 CentYesterday @ 9pm
Rapper Fifty Cent was at a night club eating rare bird eggs. A large crowd had gathered and people were bringing him more and more rare bird eggs and he just kept eating them. He was "wooing" a lot after each egg. Was really gracious and signed autographs.
John GoodmanToday @ 3am
Was driving down 101 late at night when I saw John Goodman standing in the middle of the road in front of me. Slammed on the brakes and nearly slid off the road trying to stop in time. When I got out to see what the hell he was doing in the road, he was nowhere to be found.
Shia LabeoufToday @ 10am
Hunky Shia was buying two bags of cedar chips at the country store. He seemed very nervous and was sweating a lot during checkout. I watched him go outside and hand the bags of cedar to some shifty looking teenagers. They gave him a wad of cash and then he left.
Tom ArnoldToday @ 12pm
Spotted Tom Arnold climbing a tree trying to reach a beehive. He managed to grab a big handful of honey, but in doing so he agitated the hive. He ran away with a big chunk of honeycomb while being chased by bees. He was yelling into his cell the entire time.
Justin TimberlakeToday @ 1pm
Saw Justin Timberlake walking downtown when he was accosted by a gang of deranged hillbillies. They put a potato sack over his head and threw him in the back of a van while he screamed for dear life. The van drove off in a real hurry.
Jessica AlbaToday @ 1pm
Sexy Jessica Alba was seen walking down 15th eating a big thing of BBQ spare ribs. Her face was covered with BBQ sauce and she looked like a mess. I waved but she just glared at me.
Bill FagerbakkeToday @ 3pm
He was drifting down the river on an improvised raft made out of old wood and junk. Looked really cheap. Guess all that Coach money has dried up. He looked strangely unaffected by the burdens of the world. What's his secret?
Richard KarnToday @ 11pm
Saw Richard Karn hovering over a cornfield for approximately 30 minutes. After that he separated into 3 distinct objects of equal size, which darted across the sky at speeds in excess of any known military aircraft. After another 5 minutes, they disappeared behind some mountains.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up with all the latest celebrity sightings from New York to LA, and anywhere else the stars shine.