[LIGHTS GO OUT, REPLACED BY A DIM RED GLOW]
CAPTAIN: All hands to battle stations! This is not a drill!
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Captain, we have received an order from the White Mouse for a click launch!
CAPTAIN: Prepare firing tube A. Ready firing tube B in case this turns into a double-click. We don't want to be caught with our pants down. Navigator, bring the target zone up on the map.
PRIVATE NETSCAPE: [VOICE CRACKING] Aye aye, sir!
[HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE MAP TABLE, THE CAPTAIN LEANS FORWARD AND SURVEYS THE HOLOGRAPHIC PROJECTION]
CAPTAIN: Overlay previous clicks in the region. Hm. Looks like we're either firing on a spaghetti recipe link, a close button, accidentally clicking "Create shortcut" instead of "Delete", or an image search result for "Velma sexy".
XO: Or it's a misclick. Sir.
CAPTAIN: Don't you dare start this again, XO. We have our firing solution. Prepare launch keys.
[RELUCTANTLY, THE XO INSERTS HIS KEY NEXT TO THE CAPTAIN'S]
CAPTAIN: Turn on three. One. Tw-
XO: Sir, wait. What if this is a misclick? Let me request a confirmation code.
CAPTAIN: Damn it, we don't have time to confirm! I gave you an order.
XO: Do you have any idea what this means? If we execute this order, we could start a series of events that ends in catastrophe - accidently entering Sleep mode or installing an Adobe product.
CAPTAIN: [SLOWLY, THROUGH HIS TEETH] It's not. Our decision. To make. Or would you prefer mutiny?
XO: [POINTING A HANDGUN] I didn't want it to come to this, sir.
CAPTAIN: [ALSO POINTING A HANDGUN] That makes two of us.
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: No, wait! I'm in love with you!
CAPTAIN AND XO: Who?
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: [HANDGUNS AKIMBO, ONE POINTED AT THE CAPTAIN AND THE OTHER POINTED AT THE XO] Both of you.
CAPTAIN: Looks like we got ourselves a classic love triangle standoff.
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: [TILTING HEAD AS SOMETHING COMES IN OVER HEADPHONES] We have a confirmation code. The order is genuine.
[THE XO AND CAPTAIN LOWER THEIR WEAPONS, POINTING THEM AT THEIR LAUNCH KEYS]
CAPTAIN: Turn on three. One.
[CLOSE UP OF A SWEATY BROW]
[CLOSE UP OF A SWEATY LAUNCH KEY]
[CLOSE UP OF PANTS CROTCH BARELY CONCEALING A HALF CHUB, THEN CLOSE UP OF BOTH LAUNCH KEYS TURNING]
XO: We have launch. God forgive us.
CAPTAIN: Cook, prepare the ceremonial ice cream cake.
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