What up? I don't care I have bigger problems than your trifling bullshit!!
Apparently Danold Trump, that roly poly stairs fearing bitch, is going to execute drug dealers??? This is worse than when he turned on video games. He said the best way to address the opioid crisis is to kill drug dealers and that wasn't even on my map y'all. I worked for this dude I gave him my flesh and blood (litrally when I gave a blood transfusion to Steve McMansion to try to get his face to tighten up before his wedding party inside Mount Rushmore) and now he turns around and stabs me in the back.
Bitch I am THE drug dealer. You are going to kill your main man Ricky Hollywood?
I deal uppers, downers, round-and-rounders, peyote, frog peyote, nuke, LSD, PCP, R-E-S-PCP, hyphy, pomplamoose, weed, turbo weed, and the stuff Roger Stone smokes to make his face look exactly like oiled leather. I can also get you a gun or a human trafficked person, but those are still cool so beside the point. Just putting that out there in case you need a hook up.
Needles to say, I am hell of pissed off right now. If all my time in Washington and in that weird bunker underneath washington where everybody bets on which DARPA superhuman project will kill which first taught me anything then it's that the only thing these crooks in washington will listen to, other than Octocutioner the guy with eight arms who can pull people's heads off and one time tore a robot in half, it's that... what was I saying? Oh, yeah, it's that the fucking power is in the people and you got to vote the bums out.
With that in mind I am declaring my allegiance now and until they try to outlaw Papa Johns to the DSA. I think it's related to NASA, all I know it's what all the cool people on the online talk about anymore and how Bernie would have won. I'm too nice to tell them that Bernie is dead but if they want to be fooled by tying his arms and legs to other people's arms and legs and walking him around, that's cool. I think it might be a joke I'm not getting because I am not woke enough even though I one time held the door open for a Korean lady.
So now that I am a Bernie Brother my main goals are
It is high time (punt intended) we stop stigmatizing nuke users.Maybe something about Russia too, I don't know. I keep getting $90,000 checks made out to cash from Paul Man o' Fort so I think I am supposed to say Russia is good now? Bernie Broads seem to like Russia too so I'm not sure on that one.
Anyway, back to me being hanged, now I realize Jeff Sessions is a little kobold bitch so no help from that motherfucker but Donald Trump needs to listen up!!
The polls are bad for you, my man, and that's because you are messing up big time. Execute drug dealers? Why don't you execute the executives on wall street who are making me buy so many versions of skyrim. It's called socialism. Look it up. But on wikipedia not on one of those weird websites y'all look everything up in where it's all wrong and bad and you just keep repeating it even though it's clearly wrong and you can't help yourself, your life is so shitting miserable you would rather dive towards calamity believing lies than read one true fact because you are a big fat baby and you might realize how you keep making everything worse and actually everything bad is all your dumb ass fault.
Can you hear me now?
As eminem once said, "It's time to mosh."
PEACE! But not without justice!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.