Back in May, Comedy Goldmine featured a "Future Timeline" filled with funny happenings, though we have years of waiting before most of those prophecies come to fruition. In fact, the only events scheduled for 2014-16 were "some guy enters therapy," "another guy might clean out his garage," and "the iPhone 7 is invented." But recently the SA Goons made some bold predictions for 2015, so pick up a 50%-off calendar and start preparing for political upheaval and unprecedented products!

a starwar betamax

JAN 1: new twitter goes live
Feb 5th: an amazon delivery drone flips you off??? wth!
MAR 13th: Obama back to his old tricks
APRL 1: april fools day... nothing happens
APRIL2: terrorist strike
MAY 30: new twitter movie rights bought by disney
JUNE 24: new study shows raisins are not actually fat-free
JULY 4th: the troops come home!
SEPT 11: dominoes introduces new type of crust..... "it's got ranch!" (R)


it will be crust that has the ranch on the inside of it... liquid. the dough will have a tube of ranch rolled inside of it, frozen of course, so that when 'za is cooked.... the ranch heats up.

and of course crust part under the toppings area is catacombed with a labrynth of ranch passageways... so when the ranch melts... it flow up under there. irrigating your za with ranch

OCT 30: bill gates gives more money to malaria research and education
NOV 2nd: New twitter has its thousandth twet!
DEC 25th: we forget the raisin

a starwar betamax

JAN 5th:

a starwar betamax

JAN 10th: new cookie monster introduced: Book Monster. he knocks sacred books out of the hands of religeous people and eats them while they cry, at first.... but then learn that their god is dead and the power of athiesm

a starwar betamax

JAN 20th:

a starwar betamax

FEB 2nd:


February 18th: Republican-controlled Senate passes Keystone XL pipeline
February 19th: President Obama vetoes the Keystone XL pipeline
February 20th: Republican-controlled Congress passes a new pipeline bill, one whose route originates in Canada and ends "up the President's butthole"
February 21st: President Obama vetoes new pipeline.

Doctor J Off

March 3rd-9th: indecision clouds your movements. you wonder whether to reconnect with an old flame, or to try and retain a modicum of dignity in your situation. you will elect the latter, but dignity will elude you regardless

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