Recently, I found a store filled with hundreds of Christmas ornaments, many of which defied all logic. I took as many photos as I could until my mom told me we had to leave. Unrelated note: I am thirty three years old. Here's some of the strangest ones I saw.

Classic Santa Claus, constantly arresting teddy bears!

Ah, the giant smiling tooth who also has teeth. The perfect gift for dentists AND dental assistants!

Well, it's official: the future fucking sucks. Something tells me the four horsemen of the apocalypse are gonna be named this.

There's no better medium than Christmas ornament to express how truly passive aggressive you are. "Hey, kids! Quit complaining about your gifts...did you even SEE the ornament I bought?"

Putting aside how horrifying a "sliced up man ornament" looks, ol' Cavity Sam also looks like he's being forced to hold this at gunpoint. Truly a wondrous holiday sight!

This is the one ornament I wish I had bought. We may be sick of this now, but every year, it's just going to get funnier and funnier. Also, I think it could be pretty easily converted into some to "smoke drugs" with.

Someone put Frosty's magic hat on a toilet! He's very, very upset with how you've been using him.

OK, I'm honestly just very confused by this one. I feel like if it were ironic, the face wouldn't be as simple and friendly. Could this toilet made of snow celebrate potty training...somehow?

Anyway, my anger and confusion around these ornaments is our gift to you all. Merry Christmas, from Snow Toilet & Friends!

– Asterios "President Baby" Kokkinos (@asterios)

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