If you're already sick of the cold this close to the winter solstice, just think of winter as living your life in hard mode. You still have to do all the same stuff as always, but now the world wants you dead. Surviving outside requires layering clothes until your knees start to buckle. Unseen ice is so common that falling on your ass/getting a minor concussion is not an accident but a seasonal expectation. Your morning commute still sucks, but now takes twice as long because people are either driving on the highway at idle speed or careening into the median. This isn't an inconvenience, it's just levelling up.
Patch Notes for Increased Winter Difficulty
All summer and autumn, you've been coasting along, but let's see how great you are when the grey sky and the grey ice sludge become one constant oppressing source of anguish. Let's see how you cope with your furnace eating a huge portion of your paycheck. Let's see how you handle the fact that there are no longer humans, only giant bags of mucous and flu-like symptoms.
For the next few months, your life ramped up the difficulty setting. If things get too hard, just look at all the softies who have moved to Florida. Do you really want to be like them? Hell no. Instead, imagine how amazing and awesome you will be once it gets warm again. You will have the strength and energy of, like, ten yous.
Maybe you've already given up on happiness. Maybe you've been playing Fallout and just hope that it can last you till March. Or maybe you've resigned yourself to endless, grimacing misery like every fast food worker must face at the beginning of each shift. But don't get too bummed. Just remember that today isn't the first day of winter, but the first day of your power-leveling. Remember that higher difficulty settings always give better rewards. Remember that you have earned this. Or, if none of that helps you, try remembering that the absolute worst part about winter is actually having to deal with all the whiny little babies who are constantly complaining about the weather. You chose to live here. Get over it.
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
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