Twas the night before Catsmas, and all through the land
Theaters downloaded patches, to fix Judi Dench's hand
And I in my gaming chair, and Lowtax in his full body cast
Had just settled in, to watch a Korean webrip of Cats
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I overcame my agoraphobia to see what was the matter
When what to my wondering eyes should be spied
But a miniature sleigh pulled by eight terrible CGIs
With a little blue driver so lively and fast
I knew in a moment it must be movie Sonic (first pass)
"Now Lawnmower Man, now Young Jabba!
Now 100 Agent Smiths and Dancing Baby!
On Dragonheart, on I Am Legend infected!
On Scorpion King and Crystal Skull monkey!"
So up to the house-top the monstrosities they flew
With a sleigh full of gifts and human-toothed Sonic too
A wriggling bundle he had flung on his back
And he looked like a pervert opening his pack
He deposited the gifts, under our decorated tree
A dozen Cats, half rendered and completely horny
Each had a blurry face and breasts without nipples
That swelled as they dry humped human-faced pickles
Every cat moaned, spread-legged to present its sex
And in my throat collided a gasp and gag reflex
Sonic sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a shrill whine
And away they all flew from the scene of the crime
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight
HAPPY CATSDAY TO ALL, AND TO ALL CGI FRIGHTS!
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
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