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FREE MONEY...some work required

Found a great system for getting free money. Mrs. Dorothy Derbyshire is a real shopaholic and will buy anything she sees being sold on TV. Not a day goes by that the UPS man isn't delivering her a ton of packages from all the home shopping channels. Well, I came up with a foolproof system: I got 30 minutes of time from the local public access channel every week and I just film myself pretending to be selling stuff like one of those real shopping channels. Works like a charm, because she immediately places a few orders and sends in money. Make sure you sell her stuff you don't need that isn't worth anything and charge a lot!!!

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If you need any dirt for gardening or whatever, Mr. Jacoby has quite a lot that that he's been keeping to himself. Recently I started helping myself to it and it's worked out great. Just start digging in his yard - the dirt is all located under his grass. I dug a pretty deep hole near his front porch with a backhoe I was renting and was able to fill up a pick-up truck. There's still plenty left, more than any ornery old man needs.

Be careful where you dig - I hit a pipe and ended up with a lot of wet dirt.

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Free Meat -- Won't Last Forever!

Needed some extra meat for a cookout I was having, so I decided to visit my neighbor, Old Man Norton. I knocked on his door but there was no answer. Since he's super old I figured maybe he was dead so I opened it up to see if he was ok. I called his name a few times but there was no response, so I figured I'd check his freezer and see what kind of meats he had. Boy was I in luck, because he was stocked to the nines in all the best meats. Love his meats. Anyway as I was pulling out some juicy cuts, he snuck up behind me and started trying to strangle me with a belt. I figured he has gone insane so I overpowered him and trapped him in one of his back rooms. I told him he was under citizen's arrest, but really I just wanted to get back to the cookout. I'll go let him out in a day or two after he cools down. Meanwhile it's a good time to go get some meat-- he's got way more than he can eat in his lifetime and he's crazy so he'd probably not really appreciate it properly anyway.

1515 E. Fillmaff. Freezer's in the garage, which I have left open.

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Need a bird or two??? All you gotta do is visit Ms. Adeline over on 342 N. Basin Street (the blue house, listen for the birds, you'll hear 'em squaking). I got sick of hearing all those birds yelling up a storm so I went and pounded on the door. She was a nice old lady but pushy but then she named her prices and I couldn't believe my ears. She has like a million birds and sold me two yellow ones for like $40 (she says they were worth 10 times that much!!). Thinking of going back tomorrow to get some more birds and maybe ebaying them.

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