Professional Cowboy Networking

Hank Langdon

Freelance Lawman

Death's Snag, Montana

121 Pardners


Dire Creek Schoolhouse Academy

Grades K-12

Bullwhip County High


Dead Pines College

Bachelor of Rodeo

University of Nevada at Cripplewood

Master of Bovine Husbandry

Snapneck Bend University

PhD, Range Theory

Academic Publications

On Horseback - Annals of Frontier Justice

Hegemonic Masculinity & Desperado Transgression - The Sagebrush Journal of Cowboy Theory

Honors & Awards

Lonesomest Rider

Lonely Trail Magazine

Mournfulest Song

Western Ranging Magazine

Unaffiliated Lawman of the Year

Montana Sheriffs Association

Notable Outlaws Brought to Justice

Pancho Caligula
Shot dead

Shot dead

Barclay Shields
Shot dead

Hobart Godd
Presented for hanging

Karl "The Utah Untamed Man" Hassletramp
Beaten dead

Genghis Calhoun
Shot dead

Helmsley "Hell" Holst
Presented for hanging

Corbin Cockrobin
Shot dead

Gangs Busted Up

The Badwater Roughnecks
The Snapneck Bend University Banditos
The Headless Canyon Lobsters
The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Gang
The Lost Man Creek Boys
The Annals of Frontier Justice Advisory Board Gang
The Oak Ridge Boys
The Stampederos
The Dakota Men Unbound By Honor
The Pyramid Lake Dynamite Gang
The Margaritaville Six

Other Skills

Rope Tricks Invented
The Langdon Loop (proprietary)
The Kankakee Goosechase
The Dutch Wagon
The Ankle Dangle
The Hubris of King Suryavarman II
The Wolf's Butler
The Chinaman's Challenge
The Collection Plate
The Undulator
The Pancho Caligula Memorial Depravity Loop
The Horseback Hangman

Lariat Speed
122 rotations/minute

Poetry, Rambling/Ranging, Yodeling, Desert Survival, Removing Hat in Presence of Lady, Landscape Painting, Horsemanship, Sharpshooting, Tin Can Cookery, Justice

Professional Associations

The Weeping Canyon Yodel Choir
First Tenor

The Guild of Lonesome Riders
President, Montana Chapter

The Nevada Cowboy Poet Association
Poet Emeritus


"Hank Langdon is a danged good lawman and a gentleman. He ain't prone to salty language. Come to think of it, I'll be danged if I ever heard him say more'n five words strung in a row. He ain't much for drinking, neither. Until Hank came to town, I hadn't never seen a man run into a burning saloon to save a lady's chair so she might sit more comfortably outside."
- Farley Applewood, Cougar Gulch, NV

"That man saved my hide from the depraved torments of Pancho Caligula. When he brought me back to town unharmed, I offered him the comforts of my womanhood, but he tipped his hat and told me that his trail is a lonesome one. Hank Langdon is a fine man."
- Mary Copperneck, Burning Tree, MO

"I expect to be shot dead by Hank Langdon within the week, and I ain't sorry about it. He got me fair and square. I visited bad upon this world and I welcome the justice of a worthy man."

- Genghis Calhoun, Hell's Porch, AZ

Personal Statement:

"I ain't much. I done what I done. The good works of a man follow him to the hereafter, they say, but God willing, mine'll rest here on earth a spell whilst I enjoy His kingdom without the company of hanged men and sundry lonesome sorrows."

– Dr. David Thorpe (@Arr)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful