Vigilante Mike Barnings tries to score points with me by putting some East Appleton mutant freakshow under citizen's arrest. It didn't work, you fat fuck, I'm still going to kick both your asses.

Even the public television in Appleton City is shit. Here's a photo of their newest show, "The Slob Newheart Show."

I detect a FAT presence in the room... oh no, it's Lunchbox Ghost! Hide the snack chips!

Haha, what a flamer. Get it? Because he's shooting fire. Fuck you.

ON THE RIGHT: Chicken.

ON THE LEFT: Chickenshit.

The prospect of having another man in his room really began to excite Jeff Garrings. Unfortunately, that man was me, and Jeff was soon being beaten with every object in his room. He had a couple Sinatra tapes in his collection, so I took them home, but I can't get them to play in my 8-track. And they obviously won't work in my record player. If anybody out there knows where to buy a tape machine so I can listen to them, send me a letter to cliffy.somethingawful.com and maybe I won't have sex with your wife. Okay, I'll keep having sex with your wife, but I'll stop taking pictures and mailing them to your kids.