Hello again, sports fans! Pregame Wrapup is back after yet another hiatus! It was hard being away from you readers - at one point Lowtax asked us how we had five different grandparents die over the course of few months - but our wily charms held the boss at bay.

In honor of a fresh MLB season we've been given an exclusive look at upcoming patch notes for MLB 2K7. Unlike those fake things CTS and Abraham do, they're 100% real. We promise. Get ready to learn about videogame baseball, because Pregame Wrapup is here!

Arizona Diamondbacks

  • Team bio no longer lists Steve Nash as franchise player.
  • Texture count in Randy Johnson's face increased by 40 percent.

Atlanta Braves

  • Removed "free sterilization with purchase of 32 oz. Mountain Dew" banner from outfield wall.
  • Players no longer have to go out and turn the antenna to get better reception on the Jumbotron.
  • Fixed glitch that caused pitcher to hit Chipper Jones in the face no matter where the reticule was aimed.

Baltimore Orioles

  • Properly filled out "30th team (???) - LOOK INTO THIS" box on team select screen.
  • Announcers no longer say "what's Steve McNair's spine doing on the field" during broken bat sequences.

Boston Red Sox

  • Hideki Okajima no longer appears on the mound in a puff of pink smoke and cherry blossom petals, and a gong noise no longer plays when he gives up a home run.
  • "Big Head" cheat no longer turns all players into Manny Ramirez.
  • Fixed glitch that allowed Willie Mo Pena to hit right-handed pitches.
  • Sox vs. Yankees games no longer cause announcer to say "and now, the game ESPN won't shut the fuck up about..."

Chicago Cubs

  • Removed Jumbotron cartoon of a fat white man dumping a sack full of money into a toilet.
  • Reduced probability of all starters suffering season-ending injuries on opening day to 98 percent.
  • New stat column allows players in franchise mode to see exactly how much each Alfonso Soriano strikeout cost them.

Chicago White Sox

  • Tutorial mode narrator no longer claims fast runners are "quicker than an Ozzie Guillen backpedal."

Cincinnati Reds

  • Fixed processing glitch that caused lockups when Ken Griffey Jr. made a hit during an important game.
  • Light bloom effects muted to ensure Brandon Phillps' teeth do not white out the whole screen.
  • Josh Hamilton no longer stops to snort line chalk on the way back to the dugout.
  • Hecklers no longer shout "you goin' catch a shank, nigga" at white people on opposing teams.
  • Bronson Arroyo no longer becomes visibly aroused at the mention of his own name.

Cleveland Indians

  • "Summon Spirit Buffalo" spell now only castable when rally-cap is enabled
  • Trot Nixon's walk back to the dugout after hitting into a double play no longer referred to as "the trail of tears."
  • New sarcasm slider allows players to avoid announcer saying "A mediocre Ohio team promising they'll get to the playoffs this year? You don't say."

Colorado Rockies

  • Manager no longer screams "what will we do when Todd Helton retires" in between violent sobs.
  • Pressing up after hitting a home run causes now causes the ghost of John Elway to pop up and shout "Toasty!"

Detroit Tigers

  • Special wrist strap ensures players do not throw controller at television when announcer refers to a fastball as a "Kenny Rogers roaster."
  • State bio no longer says "Canada took a shit here."
  • Players allowed to distribute malt liquor and rent vouchers to crowd as a special promotion in Franchise Mode.
  • Added "AND ALBERT PUJOLS" to graffiti on side of stadium saying "Fuck the auto industry."

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