I think I'd rather have AIDS than everything else that's wrong with you.

You can only lose your virginity by having vaginal intercourse, so all you Christians looking to get lucky can just go through the backdoor and still get into the frontdoor of Heaven.

Get a better job!

Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh, he said scrotum.

Special thanks to perplexing whimsy, big duck equals goose, Snowcow, Peezy, DemanusFlint, Virion and ryborg.

– Hassan "Acetone" Mikal

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.