The End of Evolution, submitted by OuchMyFace. Well friends, it appears that evolution has stopped. What the fuck am I talking about, you may ask? I have NO FUCKING CLUE! But apparently, this genius does.

Any statement is either true or not true. There are no exceptions. Consider a statement such as "I am horny." Either it is true or it isn’t true, it cannot be both.

Wow, that was insightful and informative! Let's look for more words of wisdom from captain Merlin McEinstein over here.

Man looks to the past for evidence of evolution, when it is obvious that man is not the end of evolution. Man is absurd. You should have looked to the future man. I am clearly above you. Therefore, evolution is not a theory you idiot. Our simultaneous existence is the proof

He IS above me! Look at all these theorums!

Suppose X exists(OSC1). Now, either X can cease to exist or X cannot cease to exist(LEM). Suppose X cannot cease to exist(OSC2). Therefore, X exists and X cannot cease to exist(C). Therefore, X is a point particle (def). Therefore, if X cannot cease to exist then X is a point particle (CSC2). Suppose that X can cease to exist(OSC2). Therefore, X exists and X can cease to exist(C). Therefore, X is a body (def). Therefore, if X can cease to exist then X is a body (CSC2). Again, X can cease to exist or X cannot cease to exist(R). Therefore, X is a point particle or X is a body (CDL). Therefore, if X exists then (X is a point particle or X is a body) (CSC1).

Huh? I'm sorry, your extensive use of parentheses exploded my brain!

Theorem57: if A or (B and C) then ((A or B) and (A or C))(The proof is trivial and is omitted.)Theorem58: if (A or B) and (A or C) then (A or (B and C))(The proof is trivial and is omitted.)Theorem59: (Distributive law for Disjunction DD): (A or (B and C)) if and only if ((A or B) and (A or C))(The proof is trivial and is omitted.)Theorem60: A and (B or C); therefore (A and B) or (A and C)

Wait, hang on, what's this have to do with evolution?

The point is that at any state, a statement is either true or not true, it cannot be both simultaneously.

WOW, WHAT A FUCKING REVELATION.

This insane man goes on and on with his vast knowlege of 9th grade algebra, all the while tying it oh so perfectly into evolution (read: Not tying it in). If you can figure out what the fuck is going on here, you're either incredibly smart, or incredibly stupid. Either way, you're incredibly a fucking jerk, and you're probably the guy who made this page.

–

### Expensive Gear You Need Before Exercising

Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.

### Highlights From Trump's Leaked Tax Returns (UPDATED)

Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.

### What is Shrimp?

Wtf are these weird things you people keep posting. are they a kind of pastry

Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.

**Copyright ©2016** Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.