Milkmen: Fathers Who Breastfeed, submitted by Patrick. One of the main drawbacks with being a man is our inherent inability to make copious amounts of fluid come streaming out of our nipples upon command. Why should women, particularly underage girls in Japanese porno cartoons, have all the liquid-spewing fun? "Milkmen: Fathers Who Breastfeed" addresses this important issue and prepares us for the day when men actually have a reason to walk around in public without a shirt to cover up their tremendous, sagging man-tits. You know, because everybody in the known world has been anxiously awaiting that moment for decades now.
The potential advantages of male lactation are numerous. It would promote a type of emotional bonding of father to child now available only to women.....Today, many or most mothers in first-world societies have already become unavailable for breast-feeding, whether because of jobs, illness, or lactational failure. Yet not only parents but also babies derive many benefits from breast-feeding. Breast-fed babies acquire stronger immune defenses and are less susceptable to numerous diseases....Male lactation could provide those benefits to babies if the mother is unavailable for any reason.
I'm sure all of you can see the numerous reasons why we should start investing billions of dollars into male tit research at once. Not only will men have the ability to breast-feed babies in Sri Lanka, but we'll additionally... uh... well also have the benefit of... well... I guess a receding hairline and some kind of Lovecraftian growth on our foreheads. If that's not the best of both worlds, then I'll politely demand that my world be sent rocketing into the sun at once!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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