Priceless Pics of Enchanting Precious Moments, submitted by Kahle. Hey kids! Looking to get a "special something" for that "special someone" who is "especially brain damaged?" Would you like to make really terrible Photoshopped images which scream out "I have the ability to make really terrible Photoshopped images," yet you refuse to spend the necessary 19 seconds to produce such pixilated monstrosities? Well look no further, as "Photo Enhancer" is here to answer all your questions, including many questions that you never had, never planned on having, and will never ever ever have.

Do you have a photo you would like to turn into a desktop wallpaper picture? Would you like to have some sexy women in revealing bikinis added to your desktop wallpaper picture? Photo Enhancer can create a desktop wallpaper picture and add sexy women in revealing bikinis. Photo Enhancer can cut a sexy woman in a revealing bikini from one photo and add her to another photo. The sexy woman wearing the revealing bikini will be cut, resized, pasted and blended into the new desktop setting resulting in a seamless desktop wallpaper picture of sexy women wearing revealing bikinis.

That above image is so "seamless" that I can't even tell it's been Photoshopped or digitally altered in absolutely any way whatsoever! When I look at the above image, I say to myself, "self, what a lovely image of a tropical resort that has watermelon-sized pixels, cloned grass from another dimension, and 60-foot tall women who refuse to be affected by sunlight and project any shadows whatsoever! I would love to visit such an exotic location, preferably with the help of recreational narcotics!" If you think Photo Enhancer is limited to inserting disproportionate 1950's pinup models to swimming pools, you'd be wrong - dead wrong - and additionally a gigantic jackoff. Photo Enhancer can remove "Sexy Chloe Jones" from any picture (and replace her with remarkably familiar cloned objects), sharpen and magically discolor images of Britney Spears (in case you love Britney Spears but hate photos which look realistic in any way whatsoever), and place cut-off photos of some ugly kid's head in the sky. These are all very useful and valued features, although I'm not exactly sure who would find them useful or valued. Probably Josef Stalin. If you enjoy the services of Photo Enhancer and don't feel like plunking down the $20 or $200 needed to get results, simply download a copy of Paintshop Pro, give it to your five year old nephew who has Down Syndrome and lobster claws for hands, then ask him to just go to town with an image of you and your fat whore wife at your wedding. The results will end up being fairly similar.

PS: There's this:

PPS: There's also this:

Maybe it's just me and my jaded, bitter personality, but I would go out on a limb and claim these examples aren't probably the best ways to promote their product and / or service, unless Photo Enhancer somehow isn't exactly the greatest product on Earth. Of course that's an absolutely idiotic notion, so I think I shall proceed to dismiss that right now! All hail Photo Enhancer! Send them money right now so you can have 60-foot tall animated Loni Andersons swimming in your pool and refusing to be affected by light in any way whatsoever! Put my severed head in space, Photo Enhancer!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.