Harriet Carter, submitted by Stupid People With Money. This site is a den of villainy. These are the people supplying the world with glass cases for collectible identical dolls and those fucking ultrasonic bug devices I mentioned earlier. That's not all they have though, nearly every horrible collectible and "As Seen on TV" piece of crap is available on this site. But in the immortal words of the late Mr. Black Guy From Reading Rainbow "you don't have to take my word for it!" Let's follow that butterfly in the sky through the necronomicon of retailers.



When you’ve had it with dumb questions, just wear this tee to vent your frustrations! Friends and passersby are sure to smile, because they feel the same way! Poly/cotton. Made in USA.

Yeah, I'll tell you what I don't get, I don't get why this fucking shirt exists. I wonder if anyone who dresses themselves wears this shirt and if so I wonder if that person is a trainable.



Lively wall clock announces the hour with a flashing light from the tower and the sounds of the sea. Listen to the crashing waves and the sounds of seagulls and imagine the ships coming safely into port. Uses 3 AA batteries (not included). 9-1/2" diameter.

You know what would be better than a light-house themed clock that screeches at me on the hour? Having my head smashed in by a forklift or, alternately, not owning a light-house themed clock that screeches at me on the hour. I would rather have a guy who just stares at the sun all day standing out in my yard and "guestimating" the time whenever you ask.



Hair Cutting Umbrella is an essential tool for the home stylist! Cape resembles an inverted umbrella to catch clippings as you trim, so neck, clothes and floor are protected. Special upturned “lip” along outer edge contains loose hairs until you’re ready to discard them, saves you time during clean-up—no tedious sweeping or vacuuming needed! Slips over head and secures with self-close tabs; adjusts to fit neck size. Folds to store. Nylon. 22" diam.

Hahhahahaha it's rainin' men! Hallelujah!



SpongeBob Costume is sure to be a big hit with the kids! Lightweight costume fits over the head and has roomy arm openings. We think the only thing kids will enjoy more than watching SpongeBob, is being SpongeBob! Costume includes black shoe covers. Washable poly. Made in USA.

That's not a fucking costume that's a diorama depicting an industrial accident. At least everybody seems to be happy about it.



Chief Executive Officer cap lets everyone know that you haven’t let power go to your head. A fun gift for the man who always wanted to be in charge of something! Made in the USA.

This hat is so bad that it goes from terrible into the realm of kitsch and then rockets right through it back into a special alternate reality of four dimensional shittiness. If I walked into a room full of my friends wearing that hat I would leave a room full of my worst enemies.

And much, much more!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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