Blue Moon and Stars, submitted by Lowtax. In the off chance you got hit on the head with a shoe or a rock or an unwanted infant, you might be wondering just where all those crazy so-called witches get their cool costumes and accessories. Sadly, there is no Wal-Mart designed exclusively for crazy or stupid people (although there is ordinary Wal-Mart, and while it encompasses crazy and stupid people, it doesn't specialize in just them). No, the witches have no choice but to rely on small shops and online superstores such as this one.
So what does a store for witches sell? Aside from the typical Lady of the Lake dresses designed for eccentric women who live alone with their poor and terribly unfortunate cats, there is a wholesome brew of knives and gaudy jewelry dripping with pentagrams and other symbols that add to that "you is crazy!" mystique.
We design, manufacture and market a large selection of Magical jewelry, Wiccan jewelry, High Priestess crowns and bracelets, magical tools, Goddess and Horned God jewelry, Athames, boxes, ceremonial swords, statuary and plaques. We offer writing journals, including Books of Shadows and mystical journals, and much more.
If I were to translate that, it would look something like this:
WE SELL UGLY PIECES OF JUNK TO MENTALLY ILL OBESE WOMEN WHO SCARED AWAY THEIR HUSBANDS AND FAMILY.
But then again I'm hardly a certified linguist. Don't be fooled by other stores selling cheap knockoff Books of Shadows or non-magical Moon Jewelry that allows the wearer to breath without oxygen as well as gain the benefits of +3 endurance. There is a whole cauldron full of powerful potions as well, which I'm guessing at the very least can give you a buzz. The fact that there are people who spend their money on this stuff is quite disconcerting, but then who would have guessed the aftermarket for magic would be so robust? Certainly not sane people!
P.S. I have a magical loaf of moonbread which protects me from evil curses, so don't try anything.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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