Cowboy Jim!, submitted by Cowboy Jim. Cowboy Jim is another one of those horrible online web comics "drawn" by a 15 year old sophomore in high school who got an A+ in art class and thinks he's hot shit. Here is an example of his amazing work that looks like some kind of pathetic Pokey the Penguin rip off.

How wacky! What sets Cowboy Jim apart from other web comics though, is how obsessed it's author is with Something Awful. Lately this guy has been emailing us like some kind of crazed groupie. He's insane. He even dreams about Something Awful. Look at this crazy shit.

I thought about joining the Something Awful forum. I even got my mom's permission to use her credit card to join. But as soon as I held that card I couldn't bring myself to join. What if the SA writers didn't like me? I couldn't bear to be rejected. Instead I bought lots of extravagant chocolates for them. I thought buying them things would make them like me.

But what if THAT backfired? What if they thought I was wierd, or worse yet, fat. What if they thought I was hitting on them? I was too afraid to send the chocolates that costed me over 200$ in total and I just ate them myself. My mom scolded me for an hour and I cried and cried, but it was just because I had wasted those chocolates that were supposed to go to Moof and Spokker Jones. Suck exquisite delights were wasted on me.

I've never filed for a restaining order before now but I think I will be heading down to the local precinct tomorrow and do just that. But wait, there's more!

I'm too ashamed to tell my girlfriend and that night I don't make any sexual moves on her while she is beside me in bed. She keeps poking at me and sucking on my neck. Finally she just decides to mount me.

I am somewhere else though. I am thinking about Spokker Jones. She rides me and rides me getting really into it, clutching her bouncy breasts.

"SPOKKER" I shout out!

I am afraid. Very afraid.

– Zachary "Spokker Jones" Gutierrez

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.