Free James Traficant, submitted by Traficant. Alright, so today's ALoD is just an excuse to get you to read some more fantastic Traficant quotes. But seriously, the guy is a fucking American treasure. Read some of these:
"Am I different? Yeah. Deep down, you know you want to wear wider bottoms; you're just not secure enough. . . . Do I do my hair with a Weed Whacker? I admit." — Traficant on his clothing and hair style. The remark elicited muted laughter from the House during otherwise ominous proceedings.
"If you don't get those cameras out of my face, I'm gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that'll clear this room!" — Traficant to photojournalists covering his House ethics subcommittee hearing
"I wanted to have Playboy bunnies come on at night to meet with me. I wanted to be promiscuous with them." — Traficant to ethics subcommittee on why he kept a boat docked in the Potomac. Traficant was convicted of selling the boat to a businessman at an inflated price in return for favors.
James Traficant may just save this banana republic.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.