Free James Traficant, submitted by Traficant. Alright, so today's ALoD is just an excuse to get you to read some more fantastic Traficant quotes. But seriously, the guy is a fucking American treasure. Read some of these:
"Am I different? Yeah. Deep down, you know you want to wear wider bottoms; you're just not secure enough. . . . Do I do my hair with a Weed Whacker? I admit." — Traficant on his clothing and hair style. The remark elicited muted laughter from the House during otherwise ominous proceedings.
"If you don't get those cameras out of my face, I'm gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that'll clear this room!" — Traficant to photojournalists covering his House ethics subcommittee hearing
"I wanted to have Playboy bunnies come on at night to meet with me. I wanted to be promiscuous with them." — Traficant to ethics subcommittee on why he kept a boat docked in the Potomac. Traficant was convicted of selling the boat to a businessman at an inflated price in return for favors.
James Traficant may just save this banana republic.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.