Free James Traficant, submitted by Traficant. Alright, so today's ALoD is just an excuse to get you to read some more fantastic Traficant quotes. But seriously, the guy is a fucking American treasure. Read some of these:
"Am I different? Yeah. Deep down, you know you want to wear wider bottoms; you're just not secure enough. . . . Do I do my hair with a Weed Whacker? I admit." — Traficant on his clothing and hair style. The remark elicited muted laughter from the House during otherwise ominous proceedings.
"If you don't get those cameras out of my face, I'm gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that'll clear this room!" — Traficant to photojournalists covering his House ethics subcommittee hearing
"I wanted to have Playboy bunnies come on at night to meet with me. I wanted to be promiscuous with them." — Traficant to ethics subcommittee on why he kept a boat docked in the Potomac. Traficant was convicted of selling the boat to a businessman at an inflated price in return for favors.
James Traficant may just save this banana republic.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
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