Credit goes mostly to Josh "Livestock" Boruff on this update, because not only did he come up with the wonderful soup-at-war idea, he also made the fantastic images. I feel like a chump letting him carry me like this! What the hell am I getting paid for? Writing? Any idiot could write! So anyway, send your adoring praise to him!
(Last known photo of Josh "Livestock" Boruff, who recently absconded to Mexico with a suitcase full of cocaine and little girls' wrists)
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
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