Credit goes mostly to Josh "Livestock" Boruff on this update, because not only did he come up with the wonderful soup-at-war idea, he also made the fantastic images. I feel like a chump letting him carry me like this! What the hell am I getting paid for? Writing? Any idiot could write! So anyway, send your adoring praise to him!
(Last known photo of Josh "Livestock" Boruff, who recently absconded to Mexico with a suitcase full of cocaine and little girls' wrists)
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!