Topless Dancer Seduction Techniques, submitted by God.

Are you hopeless at picking up exotic dancers? Do you constantly hang around clubs and wave your penis at strippers, hoping that one of them will be impressed enough to take you home? Does it just never work? Well, first of all, kill yourself. Secondly, if you were even more pathetic than you are now, you could buy a book written by some sleazy piece of trash to help you figure out how to bed topless dancers.

GRAND HUSTLE
(Look at this dude, he's got to be like 5'0")

You know…a lot of guys think that seduction techniques are gimmicks, hustles and manipulations.

Come on! These guys are probably the same type of guy that thinks that seduction is…

Whipping Out His Penis and Wiggling It Around – Screaming “YEAH Baby”!

...

Where do you learn these seduction secrets for scoring with dancers?

Well - there are several hundred books on seduction techniques out there but, unfortunately - there’s very little reliable information on seducing topless dancers.

After all, you ARE trying to score with some of the most difficult women to hook-up with. You can't just use any old technique.

Your chances are limited. But you do need to get the maximum results from what you try. So you want to know what works and what doesn’t work.

There’s nothing worse than someone who knows what works but doesn’t know about what doesn’t work. Okay, okay…the Penis Wiggler I mentioned earlier IS worse. ;-P

Man, who needs to buy the book? With his awesome "don't wave your penis at them" advice, this cat is practically giving it away for free.

So anyway, if you enjoy lots of sentences...

That are written like this...

Make sure you check out this page.

You'll learn to pick up strippers!

And you might just give your brain a hernia from strenuous contempt!

– Dr. David Thorpe (@Arr)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.