Henry the Hand, submitted by Alice. It's sites like this that make me glad the Internet is currently imploding.

You are wondering, What is the big deal with these viruses and bacteria anyway? Viruses and bacteria cause disease (dis-ease: which sounds just like it should; it makes you uncomfortable and feel bad). Some of you may remember when you had a common virus or the flu and you felt like you had been beaten up or run over by a toy truck. Can you imagine feeling like this all the time? This is why it is so important to keep your fingers out of your eyes, nose and mouth and keep your hands clean so you don’t contaminate yourself. Coughing or sneezing into your hands converts them into "germ weapons" until they are washed.

Strangely enough, they fail to mention anything about Mir space death plagues. Perhaps a cover-up by Henry the Hand? Somebody call in Mulder's geeky friends from "The X-Files," I think I smell a smoking gun. Quick, somebody compromise their cookies!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.