WHAM, BAMM, BODYSLAM!, submitted by . Scary lump of white trash offers his opinions and wrestling services to the general public, assuming you are able to read the text over his idiotic animated gif background. Luckily I don't think I really want either, thank you very much. He also defends the noble sport / profession / money making industry of "professional" wrestling:

And look at your day-time "soaps" or sitcoms... I think that they are just a little more sexually suggestive than anything that I've seen on WRESTLING!... we can even go back to cartoons on this matter as well... What about that animated rabbit that dresses up in womens clothing every once in a while, or that perverted womanizing skunk that stalks and ravages those female toons who are unwilling? You all know which cartoons I'm talking about....

BUGS BUNNY MADE ME RAPE MY TEACHER!

Originally from Mansfield, Ohio but now resides in a dark and gloomy place where everlasting thunderstorms echo in a neverending dark night... this place is called NECROPOLIS, CITY of the DEAD! It takes a man like The Nightmare to stalk the lands of Necropolis, a place where creatures of the night roam without a care, where danger and horror awaits at every turn... at every step. So those in the wrestling world and beyond know not to cross the one who ventures though the shadows of darkness, with the hounds of hell nipping at the heels of his soul! Shall he be the only entity to walk amongst the mortals and strike fear into the bravest of all souls. He who makes the cowards crumble and the courageous cringe with a persona that can even make the boogie man check under his bed and sleep with one eye open!!! BEWARE THE NIGHTMARE!

Ha ha, I thought he said he left Ohio? Oh well, I must've read it wrong while my eyes were imploding from seeing that goddamn endless looping animated gif background. This is what will happen if you get smacked across the skull with a folding table too many times, ladies and gents. WHAM, BAMM, BODYSLAM!!!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.