Welcome to *** OCAEN-JEWEL *** home page, submitted by Pie4Foo. Dyslexic woman who was apparently kicked in the head and then thrown down a series of staircases creates a page dedicated to "City Toronto City" and various other beautiful chunks of broken English and animated gifs. You'll be pleased to know that when you load the site, every possible piece of information and multimedia on the entire Internet tries to pop up and dance across your screen like a drunken hobo after he's been lit on fire by Hell's ruthless minions. Now THAT'S entertainment!

I love drawing and painting actully I think I born graphics-designer. and also, As you can see most lot of the my arts work too. I like to do cooking, and I do the best cooks too. And I have to say I like to do designing fashion, I do it most the times, and the most our's clothes I made them.

I could not belive one day any man in the world can stole my heart and love me and I love him back. I thought I'll be with out any good man in the world. Sonia and me, we did not care. We were so happy in the over lifes to design future forself. But souddenly most gorges, understanding, educated handsome and good looking man 6'2" & 180 lb. 28 yrs old with the dark hair and dark eyes with his big heart with the loving and carring show up to our life's. He stole right a way my heart.Oh no I say our heart, SONIA too, we get love with him. When I meat him at the TORONTO celebration new year 2000. My star change. He ask me to see him week later in the his dantist office as patient. Becuse, he is Doctor. We were dead week come.

The best part about this page, besides the entire thing, is that the woman claims to be a professional "Graphics Animation 3DFX and virtual-reality" producer. If this is somebody's idea of virtual reality, I'm going back to VRML.

PS: There's a guestbook you can sign, but why bother? You'll impale your eyes with a knitting needle before you're able to successfully smash the "SUBMIT" button. Good luck, suckers!!!

PPS: What in the holy fuck does "we were dead week come" mean?

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.