The Everyday and the Eternal, submitted by Vlad. What pleasures of the mind the internet brings! One of them is definitely not the poetry of lumpy middleaged Jane Colglazier Carlton, who in addition to writing poorly rhymed and overly melodramatic poetry almost fit for a goth, drives a bus for the "specially abled". By "specially abled" I mean fucking retarded goof balls who lack the manual dexterity to tie their shoes and the presence of mind to not defecate in their adult diapers, yet retain a level of dignity on a plane wholly above Jane Colglazier Carlton. I am very happy she has decided to share this wonderful poetry with us!

I gaze into the eyes of my tiny grandson
The sleepy blue eyes of little Brandon.
So perfect is he, oh! so amazingly strong,
As he twists and kicks and stretches out long.
This precious little one, without much hair
So eagerly hungry, then burp goes the air.

They say serial killers and famous authors often share the trait of using three names to identify themselves. Jane Colglazier Carlton is not a famous author.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.