The Legend of the Golem, submitted by Me!. I don't remember what the hell I was searching for when I found this gem of Internet literature, but I can only assume it was something very, very, very stupid. "The Legend of the Golem" is an exciting tale about some Jewish kids who do something to something else and eventually a Golem appears to help chop wood and he gets trapped inside the Internet or some stupid nonsense like that. However, this site has the sheer scare power of 1,000 photos of Carol Channing compressed into some horrible entity, not unlike Carol Channing.
"I AM THE GOLEM! THIS IS MY FIFTH DIMENSION! I WILL SEND YOU THE FIFTH DIMENSION CONSTITUTION. FROM THIS DAY ON, I WILL BE RIDING AND SURFING ON YOUR CYBERWIND!"
Huh? Wait a second, what? More importantly, HUH?!? I guess this is a story for children, assuming you want your kids to grow up and become Jewish rapists. Well, rapists who are Jews, not people who only rape Jewish people. That would just be weird. You would have to give the intended rape victim a questionnaire that casually slips in the question "are you Jewish?" before actually raping them, and you'd have to assume they were telling the truth, something that most people don't do while filling out forms. So I think it's pretty safe to say that this site has opened up a huge can of Jewish rape victim worms here, and I haven't even began talking about the goddamn Golem yet.
We know for sure that the Golem has learned how to have fun! At any time, a computer may not boot or a game will not come up on a monitor. One kid can play a game and have fun. But in a very strange way, the game may not come up for the next kid!
Oh yeah, so that's why I can never play Derek Smart games on my computer... it's the fucking Golem! The Golem who wears shoes and pants! And he wears them backwards! And he wears a Rastafarian wig! And he is entirely composed of raw meat and an Ethiopian child's arm! Damn you Jewish Golem, damn you TO HELL!!!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.